Physicists are joking

  • News from the world of nuclear physics: the stomach of a kitten does not have more than a thimble, therefore, those two liters of milk that he can drink in an hour are in his stomach at a pressure of 50000 atmospheres, which is ten times the pressure in the epicenter of a nuclear explosion.

  • Two theorists walk in the forest. They meet a bear. The first ran, the second remained.

    - They ran! - Shouts the first second.

    - Why? My speed is still less than the speed of a bear. - says the second.

    - It does not matter that your speed is less than the speed of a bear, it is important that my speed is greater than yours. - answers the first.

  • With his mouth open, Ivan Petrovich listens to his wife, so that the pressure on the eardrums from the outside and inside is the same...

  • There are somehow a physicist and a mathematician. The physicist asks:

    - Listen why the train wheels round, and when he rides they are knocking.

    - It's elementary, the physicist. The formula of the circle is pi R², so this square is just knocking.

  • Meet the physicist of his friend, he says to him:

    - I heard a cool anecdote here: "The mouse is running along the edge of the cliff: pi-pi-pi-ah-ah-ah!!!".

    - Well, what's special is the ordinary Doppler effect. - the physicist answers.

  • The university rector looked at the estimate that the dean of the physical department had brought him, and, sighing, said:

    - Why are physicists always demanding such expensive equipment? For example, mathematicians ask only money for paper, pencils and erasers.

    And, after thinking, he added:

    - And philosophers, they are even better. They do not even need erasers.

  • Conversation of two friends:

    - You know, I calculated the speed of moving my wife to the store!

    - Well, what is it?

    - 200 dollars per hour!

  • In the physics exam, the teacher decided to look at the student's abstract, is surprised to find blank pages and naturally asks why.

    - How, - the student answers - you said to write only smart thoughts...

  • The examiner asks the student: - Tell me how the transformer works.

    - Sh-Sh-Sh.

    - Two. Wrong. The transformer works like this: yy.

  • In the educational institutions there is an exam in electrical engineering.

    At the university the question in the ticket: "In what is the current measured?" There are three answers: "1. in amps, 2. in kilograms, 3. in decibels".

    In the university: "Is the current strength measured in amperes?" Answers: "1. Yes, 2. No, 3. Difficult to answer".

    In the military school: "The current strength is measured in amperes!" Answers: "1. That's for sure; 2. No way."

  • There is an anecdote that the famous physicist Max Planck urged everyone: an ordinary tea cup has two pens, and not one, as it seems to us. Simply they are deployed relative to each other not by 180 degrees (as, say, a pan), but by 360...

  • Do you know the name of the great Indian physicist?

    - Left Hand! (The author of the rule of the Left Hand).

  • At the terminal station, the conductor examines the wagons and One sees a sleeping student on the bench, and next to it lies the Landau book: "Theory of the field".

    The conductor wakes the student:

    - Well get up, agronomist, have arrived!

  • - What is an electric current? The teacher asked. - What does it look like?

    An eccentric came up and said:

    - For lazy: he always tries to go where it's easier.

  • - Why do not you understand anything? The upset mother rebuked her son. - As if the words come in one ear, and go out into another.

    Then came a crank and said:

    - This is impossible. Sound is not in the void.